Today’s a surprise!

It’s my birthday… Okay – that isn’t the surprise…

I woke this morning with a heavy feeling of being a year older. I have a problem with the big 40 and I’m now only one year away. It leaves me looking at my life and wondering where my dreams have gone. I’m not talking about the writing dream, but the one I had as a child. The one that involved a husband and babies. That is the dream that I can miss at times.

I suppose that it isn’t too late, but still, on my birthday it rears its ugly head, looks at me and gives a cold smile. And it normally puts me into a complete depression. Sure I smile but it hangs over me like a dark cloud.

Except this birthday.

Have I suddenly got a man and babies? Well, no. But I haven’t allowed the bad to take hold.

You see this morning my phone beeped. I woke me at 8.30am which, considering I hadn’t gone to bed until 2.30am due to watching a horror movie, was a mite early. I swore and reached for the phone.

‘You have an email’

Great.

I have a look and…

Okay, maybe the backstory ought to be mentioned. I was sent a link via Facebook for the possibility of a scholarship for doing a phd. I applied. I mean – why not. I’ve had an idea for the last year but was stumped because I’m out of cash – really out of cash… So I filled out the form and then thought nothing of it. In fact I thought it was such a longshot that I threw away the forms. I kept nothing…

Then the email inviting me to the open day. Okay, it is early steps. I mean there must be hundreds going and the likelihood of me making it is small, but I have a chance.

So this morning I have a massive grin, despite the fact I have spent to morning rifling through the recycling looking for the paperwork. I am in with a chance. And that is the best news ever. So wish me luck as Monday I am in Cardiff meeting a few universities. Ever so scary but ever so cool.