Dyslexic tales

Trying to face my fears…

I am trying…

It is hard. The worst of my fears is success. I have always been afraid of it. In fact, in the past I could even say I have sabotaged my own work in order not to succeed.

Maybe it’s the Aspergers… Or maybe it is just fear, plain and simple.

I hate change and I have a feeling that change is coming.

I know it’s coming because I am making it happen. I’m entering a local art competition and the theme is ‘Myself’. I have to draw myself. And it has made me look at my self image. I want to say no. I want to stop, but I have to carry on. I have got to finish otherwise I may never exhibit. But it is hard.

If I succeed then people will look at me. Not a flattering photo, but the me that gets scared in crowds and the me that can try to hide because people are staring.

Because my fear is… me. I am scared people won’t like me… And I’m tired of it. So I have decided that I’m going to step out of my comfort zone and take my fear face on.

The first is the art competition. I’m entering a straight portrait and then something a little different.

The second is a memoir… A snapshot of my life. Not sure where to take it but I will. In fact I am starting the notes today. What about the other book? Well, that is being written as well, I just have to do this. Otherwise I can see me writing and not publishing or drawing and not exhibiting. I have to face my fears. Otherwise I am afraid that I will be writing and drawing in my little workshop without getting much done.

So here goes – instead of hiding in a dark cave I’m going to get out there. I’m going to draw and I’m going to write and I will take any opportunity that comes along. Even if it means leaving my ‘safe zone’.

The daily prompt has asked if you could be famous for a day what would you be? Right at the moment I’d probably hide, but soon I hope I would smile and just be myself.

Me 1

14 thoughts on “Trying to face my fears…

  1. Good luck Kate. I think all writing and maybe all art needs us to reveal something deep about ourselves and that can make you feel very vulnerable. I know how hard it is, and I hope it turns out well for you. Your drawing, by the way, is beautiful – is that the one you’re planning to exhibit?

    1. Thanks. 🙂 Drawing myself has to be one of the hardest things ever. And I’m not changing it, just drawing what I see… Scary….

  2. That is a great picture, it captures your mood. The hardest thing is to get out of your comfort zone, but once you start doing it, you realise that it is the only way to move things on and you have to keep doing it – the more you do it, the braver you will become – so keep at it. I pin and read a lot of quotes to keep me motivated and to help give me courage and collect them on my inspiration (http://justbeverity.wordpress.com/inspiration/) page – feel free to use it for the same reason.

    “I realized that one isn’t born with courage. One develops it by doing small courageous things”. Maya Angelou.

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