Fear…

I got it again.

I think it is like a cold and it comes on when you least expect it. It is almost as if it waits until it sees I’m about to start a new project then… Bam!

So what is it this time? I hear you ask.

It’s the art… Again.

First off I didn’t go for the competitions I said I would this year – I was too afraid. I managed to talk myself out of it. I managed to tell myself it was a waste of money, so instead the drawing sits here, languishing in my workshop.

Then I got the big canvases… They are wonderful.

And they are still wrapped in plastic. I have a piece planned out for a local gallery competition. It is sitting on my desk. You see I had decided to draw it but the bristol board I use to wrap around the canvases doesn’t come that size.

So, what do I do?

Do I paint it?

Do I draw it and get it framed?

Do I give into fear and just not?

The last is the one that I am leaning toward but I am determined not to do it. I want to be an artist as much as a writer. So I have to do this. I can be as good as anything but if no one sees the work then what does it matter?

And that is what I want. For people to see my art.

So today I going to do it. I’m going to start the piece and it doesn’t matter if it is a disaster because at least I tried. It is this apathy about now even giving it a go that is making be distressed.

Today I will do something that terrifies me. Wish me luck…