I have it. I guess it stems from when I really was the size of half a car… Now I’m a slender reed in comparison but I still see that me; the one that turned sideways to get through doors and had to squeeze into car seats. The me that dreaded going to garden parties because those plastic chairs were never big enough, and it was truly humiliating to have someone fetch a dining room chair.
That is the me that I still see when I look in the mirror. I suppose it can be funny. Hell, I’ve laughed at myself… Leaving too much space in restaurants, or thinking that I couldn’t get in the car in a parking space. Waiting for people to walk through a set of double doors because you are uncertain that you will fit alongside. Every time I’ve shaken my head and shrugged. A smile on my face.
But I hadn’t realised just how bad it had got… Until today.
You see at the end of the month I am off out to a club and I have decided to steampunk it! I will be going in a leather corset, victorian dress (much much shorter) and flouncy blouse. All very cool, and as I have fabric and a little skill, I thought I’d make it.
So today I cut out the corset. I cut the size I knew I had to because I’m a big girl.
Only problem is that I now have a partially made corset that it a full six inches too big…
That’s not a small difference. That’s a massive one.
So tomorrow I will start taking in my corset in order to make for my size… In fact to make sure the lacing show I will have to lose 7 inches…
Yeah, I think I have body dysmorphia. It seems I believe I’m about six to seven inches larger than I am… Now I just have to make my head realise that my body is smaller.