Actually it is all writing. I would love to say that my life has been all roses and chocolates, but it hasn’t. Instead, I have had my time crying in corners and flinching in fear, but I don’t let that rule my life. I stand with it at my back, but I don’t continuously look at it. I don’t dissect my past, it was something that happened. I came through it and it made me the person I am. I’m just astounded that I’m not bitter, and completely over the moon that I’m not. But every now and then I come across a trigger word.
No, it isn’t usually a word, it is normally a passage. And that can throw me back to the past. I can re-live it or it just plays in my head like my own sick movie. But it happens. I’m not affected by a lot, hell I love paranormal romance and that can get a little extreme. For me the trigger is more about the psyche of the people going in.
I have a short story with a publisher at the moment; it’s about a love affair between two serial killers, but for me there is no trigger. Because they are loving to each other, not so much to anyone else, but they respect and cherish each other. So I have no problem with the violence. But I just read something that made the man (it could have been a woman) who set out to dominate and abuse a woman. He wasn’t in love and he got away with it, leaving her broken.
The BBC drama ‘Murdered by my boyfriend’ did the same. There was no reason other than the antagonists own gratification and dominance. But it was the ‘getting away with it’ and the simple waste – my triggers.
I don’t go out of the way to find them but sometimes they sneak up on me. That got me thinking. I write thrillers and horrors, and what if I write other peoples triggers in there? What if my work, instead of being spooky and a little scary, becomes horrendous for others?
It got me worried.
Then I thought about other authors. Surely the horror writers out there must realise that some of their stuff will offend? Anyway, I thought about it and wondered if I ought to limit my writing. Make it more – safe…
Instead, I have got to write what I write and be true to myself. I have a feeling that if I subdued my imagination it would stop working for me…
Oh, and the story about the serial killers? Well, if the publishers don’t want it I’ll try others, but if it gets nowhere I’ll self-publish and you can all have a look. 🙂