Masters tales

What if I won the lottery?

We have this discussion at home all the time. Me, Mum and Dad sit around at breakfast and discuss what we would do… The odd thing is that we discuss it all in terms of the three of us. So it is whether to put the extension on or to move and if we moved how big the house would be. It’s that sort of thing. But at no point do I say that I’d stop writing and drawing.

I mean at the moment I am juggling deadlines for the art and the writing. Both of them hefty deadlines. One for a book and the other a solo exhibition. Yet I don’t think I’d stop. Not ever. Maybe I’d slow down a bit so that I had more time for the different deadlines, but stop working?

No, that isn’t for me. I wouldn’t stop writing, blogging, or drawing. It all gives me too much pleasure. In fact if it weren’t for money or lack of it I would say that my life is almost what I have always wanted it to be. I have held onto my dreams so very tightly.

But the problem with that is that I now have to let them go. When I write something people have to read it and when I draw people look at it. And my fear is that they will read or look and not like it. It is silly. I know that I can’t please everyone and that I have to write and draw for myself, but I find myself looking at completed or partially completed work and wondering if i ought not change it. Make the drawing a little softer or the language a little more flowery. 

So far I have resisted the urges, but I have noticed that they have been getting worse. I think it only stems from my self-confidence. So maybe if I won the lottery I would get someone to help. Or maybe if I wasn’t worried about making money it wouldn’t matter how I drew or how I wrote. 

But until then I guess I will have to stop worrying. I draw what I draw and I write what I write and hopefully people will like it. 

One that note I popped my exhibition up. I only got a little wall and some table space but I think it looks brilliant.

cards wall

This post was inspired by the daily prompt – work? optional!

3 thoughts on “What if I won the lottery?

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