Sincere

When I was studying for my degree, a joint in Biology and Art, I had a friend. We didn’t really start hanging out until the second year. By the third year we had rooms next to each other. I was a different person then.

I was naive and people could take advantage of me. I managed to do the whole university experience without getting a boyfriend. I didn’t understand what was wrong. I thought I came across as caring and warm but the reality was different.

I wasn’t diagnosed then but I was suffering under the yoke of dyslexia, Asperger’s and dyspraxia. I couldn’t relate to my peers. I didn’t understand the social interactions. When everyone went to the bar after lectures I didn’t. I thought that by not being directly asked I was being left out. I wasn’t… At lest I don’t think I was. I was just odd.

A weird duck… I stood out. I hung out with the random people I had been placed with in residential halls and they were some lovely people.

But I should have been getting on with those that I was studying with. I have no facial recognition. And it got me into trouble with some people. There was no friend to ground me. Now if I go out I normally have someone who will be there if I have a problem. If I find that I can’t concentrate or there are issues that cause my anxiety to rise, I simply smile and remove myself from the situation. But back then there was no one and I didn’t have the confidence to leave.

Until my friend.

Sandra.

She was strange. Confident. Always wore black. Never got annoyed with me and was supportive.

But like all friendships we lost touch. I moved country. Her letters stopped.

I didn’t think.

And then she was gone. It has been a few years and yet I still think of her. In fact she has made it onto one of my Christmas cards… The lady who went everywhere with a red umbrella. My friend.

I still miss you. I just wish we had been closer at the end. I would have loved one more conversation. One more coffee. One more argument about the use of marmite in cooking.

Inspired by the daily prompt – sincere